tomathy has issues

Hmm, as usual it only takes me a day or so to get over my supposedly massive problems. Making a mountain out of a molehill from some offhand comments as usual. Of course it was all in my head. I had a lovely chat with Lesta and Paul today and mentioned some of the concerns that got to me on Saturday, and quickly realised how silly I'd been. Lesta was scared of me when I was dancing with her not because I was dancing badly but because I was pulling a scary expression. Basically I was trying too hard, which is when I seem to fuck up most physical things, by putting my mind in the way of my brain. Maybe that's why I like academic stuff, about the only thing that gets better the more I think. Hang on that's not right. My excessive perfectionism that leads me to get sidetracked with creeping elegance and puts me off working, so thinking too much spoils even my thinking process!

Today was a major example of the latter phenomenon. Up at nine to go to dentists, for incredibly painful cleaning of inflamed gums, then get passport photos taken and sent off for replacement passport (Mum lost it somehow), then home and get some work done until three. Then it all went downhill. A little break on the internet became two wanks and a search through blog stories that lasted until dinner, followed by aforementioned chat with L and P and a bit of telly and washing up. And now I'm writing my blog! I am totally unsalvagable! And I'm using exclamation marks! What the hell is wrong with me!

Calm down... just post and get to the end of fucking 1896 in the documents, that's the turning point.

I hopefully won't be posting here much over the next fortnight, though at least this is more active and thought provoking than passive escapism through internet, TV or books.